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Later, I got to know Bukunmi had a girlfriend he so much loved, but she broke up with him without giving him any reason. He didn't take it well at all and had always nursed the idea that they would get back together, because he would do everything to get them back.
That was when I came along.
He didn't love me but he wanted me around. Here was a guy who had just been 'rejected' by a girl and another girl was all over him. It massaged his wounded ego. I was good only for ego massage.
Of course, I didn't see all that at the time. I was in love.
I would finish lectures during the day and call him so as to spend time with him. I would prepare special dishes and pack them into lunch boxes for him to take to his room so that he wouldn't have to cook. I would take time to dress up in the evening when going for night reading because I knew I would see him. …Mistake number one.
I was earnestly waiting for that day when he would look into my eyes and tell me, "Awe, I want you in my life."
After two months of being together and no show, I couldn't take it anymore. I was drowning in the sea of love and I couldn't afford to die in it. So one evening at the lecture theatre, I blurted out to him, "Bukunmi, I want you in my life."…Mistake number two.
He looked at me and smiled. "I know you are in love with me. I have always known that."
"You knew?" I felt embarrassed.
"Uh-huh. And there is nothing wrong with you being in love with me."
"So?"
He shrugged. "It's okay."
I was confused. Okay what? Okay that you are in love with me or okay, I want you in my life, too, and so let's get into it.
Then, he said, "Right now, my heart is not in its right place for a girl, but you can help me put it back, because you love me and I'm happy you do."
A wise girl should have run away with this kind of statement from a guy. No 'I love you, too', no commitment from him, nada. It was just like the warning sign 'cars parked here are at owners' risk'. But stupid and naïve me, my heart swelled with love and desire to repair this guy's heart and make it available for me. …Mistake number three.
I did the calling, the texting, the seeking after. I felt like the only one in a relationship with myself. Yet I kept on, waiting, earnestly hoping, for the reward that would come my way—the declaration of his love for me. Sebi, love suffers long? …Mistake number four.
When I accused him lovingly that he didn't use to call me, or text me or visit me, he replied that in a relationship, sometimes, one person knew how to do these things better than the other. It just happened to be me.
Girl, have you ever felt something was wrong in your relationship with a guy, yet you found yourself unable to walk away, like a Superglue had been used to fasten your legs to the ground? I felt that way. I was so in love. And confused.
Three weeks after my confession of love, we were studying at the back row of the Lecture Theatre when the lights suddenly went out. Before students could light up their phones or lamps as it were, Bukunmi grabbed me, laid my head on his laps and began to feel me up. When his hands grabbed my bosom, I stilled. The shock I felt was indescribable. I felt violated, cheap, dirty.
At the same time, I felt the scales covering my eyes fall off. And then I knew.
That I was a play thing in the hands of this guy.
That his declaration of love would never come.
That he wasn't the godly man he professed to be.
That I was actually a fool for jumping processes and still expecting the right results.
When he noticed that I wasn't responding to him, he removed his hands and I stood up. I pack my books, shoved them into my bag and left without a word.
When I got outside and saw that it was safe to cry, I let the tears flow.
Bukunmi ran after me. "I'm sorry," he kept saying.
I didn't reply. I just walked out on him. Out of his life.
Somehow, Folake opened up discussion about Bukunmi after class some days later. She said Bukunmi told them that I threw myself at him and he had to flee from me so as not to commit fornication. It didn't go down well with her, because she knew I was not that kind of girl and so she needed to confirm.
I couldn't cry. I told Folake the truth and didn't care if she believed me or not but I needed to let her know my own version of the drama.
Folake confessed that she knew I was in love with Bukunmi and that he wasn't available, but she couldn't say anything.
"You knew I was in love with an unavailable guy and you didn't say anything?" My mouth hung open.
"I'm sorry I couldn't say anything, Awe," she replied. "I seriously regretted the last time I tried to warn a girlfriend that the guy she was in love with was not for real. They both turned against me and de-repped me. I have since then vowed not to ever advise my friends when they are very much in love."
No, you are wrong. I would have listened, I thought.
I stopped being close to Folake. I didn't want that kind of friend in my life.
For several weeks, I was emotionally distraught until I gathered up courage to talk to my God and ask for forgiveness for my foolishness. I laid my mistakes at the cross and proceeded to continue my life and stay away from all forms of silliness and ungodliness in relationships.
And He has been helping me till today.
You might be thinking what I thought then—if this guy did all these wrong things, then something bad must be happening to him, he must be reaping all the bad he had done, right?
Wrong.
That doesn't happen in all cases, especially if he had acknowledged his mistakes and repented. You see, what is called grace is so powerful and anyone, no matter who you are or what you have done, can come to it. Old things will pass away and all things will become new.
That is if you allow Christ, He is the Judge of all. This isn't to excuse sin though. You can't eat your cake and have it, and like I said, Christ is the Judge of all.
The only reason I was happy and could 'like' his picture was because I hadn't allowed him to take my treasure, my body and my heart, so I didn't feel I had lost anything. Here he was, with a pretty wife and a set of triplets. Three children at once!
What if I had allowed him take my body in exchange for his love, where would I be now? How would I feel?
I now clearly understood First Corinthians 6:17 in that light, when it said that when I sleep with a guy whom I am not married to, I hurt myself , my future, in other words, I sin against my body, I sin against myself. So it was all about me after all!
Shaking my head, I whispered, "Thank you Lord." I said a quick prayer for his triplets and moved on to the next post on my news feed, with a determination much stronger than before.
To keep my body until I have a MARRIAGE bed!
…to be continued.